Please allow me to brag for a few minutes. Not about myself, but about my husband. When I started this journey almost seven years ago, I had no idea I’d be where I am today: blogging, writing books, let alone singing my husband’s praises. Let's just say I tended to think of much darker things. I'm glad I'm not in that head space anymore.
So, here I am grateful for how much healthy recovery Devin has under his belt. I’m under no illusion that this means he’s risk free. He’s still an addict, just like I am. However, it continues to amaze me how far he’s come from the last day of disclosure compared to today.
Was the journey easy? No. Sometimes it was so hard I wanted to turn and run from our marriage. And there were times the word divorce fell from my mouth more times than the words, “Let’s keep trying.” Still, something inside me kept telling me to focus on the steps he was taking to do better. To take a closer look at not just his intentions to do well, but whether or not his actions lined up with his words. Most of the time they did. There were things along the way that boggled me: why he struggled with cross-addictions in the beginning, why he slipped every few months, why he didn’t commit fully to his recovery from the moment he disclosed to me. (All of which is normal, but I wasn't able to see the forest for the trees at the time.)
However, I was able to see the progress he made, no matter how small it seemed because those tiny things accumulated into larger, more tangible things. I felt a renewed hope each time he had insight and awareness. My hope continued to grow in leaps and bounds as that grew into mindfulness about his addiction.
Now I can see the fruits of his labor paying off. His relationship with me is better than it’s ever been. He’s not only empathetic towards my emotions; he offers sage advice on everything from recovery to our children. He’s checked in with our family rather than being isolated from all of us. A stark contrast from what he was like seven years ago – a man chained to his computer screen and the images on it. Like a prisoner with a life sentence. I'm forever grateful he continues to use the tools he learned at Candeo and SAA. They changed our lives for the better and I’m excited for what our future holds.
Who would you like to brag about today? A friend, a family member, yourself?