Dear Pornography

from Google

from Google

Dear Pornography,

You and I have had quite the relationship, haven’t we? It was casual at first. A fling I suppose. I didn’t really see you for who you truly are. Of course not. Everyone shows their best self on the first few dates, right? Why should you be any different? How could I possibly know that researchers found that Internet pornography has the greatest addictive potential of any online activity? I’d have no way of knowing that. But you knew. You're an expert when it comes to marketing.   [1]

So when you introduced yourself to me, I welcomed you into my home. I found you mysterious and fun. And then you weren’t. You changed how I felt about myself. You caused my husband’s brain to change in response to chronically elevated dopamine levels. [2] He began to isolate himself from me, from our children, and our world had become fractured.

What did I do in a desperate attempt to save our marriage? I turned to you, pornography. Because that’s the sick and twisted message you have the ability create. That somehow you can help. You can help our sex lives, our intimacy. That's the illusion you’re able to conjure up to those who love someone who is battling against you. We don't know how to pull them from your grasp. You prey on us when we’re at our weakest because you’re so cruel to those who are vulnerable.

As I sat beside my husband, bargaining, and pleading with him to only engage with you while I was there, I didn’t understand how depraved and to what depths you would sink and how willing you were to take my husband down with you. Your grip on him was iron. Mine was filament. You stole the man I love.

You made him angry because he was filled with shame. You made my self-esteem plummet because I felt less than. You quietly infected our home but your damage was loud and clear. We were a family torn apart by you and now you’ve managed to do the same for someone I love dearly but was too ashamed to tell. But let me tell you something, pornography, I won’t allow you to do to her what you did to me. I worked too hard to get where I am today.

You will not steal her self-esteem, cause her shame, or make her feel less than. You will not win. I’m on to you. I’ll be there for her to make sure she takes care of herself, to remind her how beautiful she is inside and out, and to make sure she understands just how ugly and vile you are. We are beautiful, we are strong, we are worthy, and we will kick your ass.

(Potential trigger warning to partners)

From Truth About Porn:

  • For some people, learning of their partner’s pornography use is a traumatic event that creates psychological distress.
  • Some women who learn of a husband’s consumption of porn and/or online sexual activity through either discovery or disclosure report feelings of betrayal, loss, mistrust, devastation, and anger.
  • Pornography use by adults is associated with using physical coercion to have sex.
  • Using degrading pornography has been found to cause a loss of compassion for female rape victims.
  • Porn shuts down a boy’s natural feeling, as it places little value on intimacy, empathy or respect of partners in pornographic material. A growing body of research also shows that viewing porn is likely to make boys more sexually aggressive to do whatever they feel they can get away with, and to want to act out what they have seen.
  • There are clear differences in brain activity between patients who have compulsive sexual behavior and healthy volunteers. These differences mirror those of drug addicts.
  • Pornography use correlates with depression, anxiety, stress, and social problems.
  • Men who use pornography compulsively may feel a sense of powerlessness, or hopelessness in stopping their use.
  • Regardless of how often they use pornography, religious individuals are more likely to believe themselves to be addicted to pornography.

For more up-to-date research on the harmful effects of pornography, please visit The Truth About Porn


[1]  From Truth About Porn

[2] From Truth About Porn

Have you ever been so mad you could spit fire?

That's how I'm feeling as I write this post today. I'm angry because pornography has infected the home of someone I love dearly. If it were something tangible, I'd punch it in the face.