Happy hopping and welcome! My theme for the Challenge is addiction because both my hubby and I are recovering addicts. No worries though. I like to keep things fairly light even when dealing with a heavy topic like this one. Want a glimpse into my world of cocaine addiction? Listen to Metallica’s, Master of Puppets. If that’s too heavy, you can try Staind, It's Been Awhile instead. Much more mellow.
I have many favorite tools in my recovery toolbox and an attitude of gratitude is right up there with boundaries and self-care. Being grateful was something I thought I already was. I mean, when your husband makes you a widow at the age of twenty-six, you think by the time you’re twenty-seven you’ve examined yourself enough to say, “Be grateful for every day you have on this earth, because it may be your last.” Cause, you know, I was the poster child for that, wasn’t I? Didn’t him dying make me an expert? I sure thought so. No further self-reflection needed here, folks.
I could be on the way to work and be ticked off at the guy ahead of me because he didn’t rush through the yellow light and now I’m stuck at the stupid red light, which means now I won’t get to my job, for what? At least another three minutes, and while I’m stewing about that, I’m completely oblivious to the fact that I’m surrounded by the beauty of the fall-colored trees and the cardinal that just flew by. Nope, I’d rather be ranting and raving at that inconsiderate jerk who probably just saved me a ticket from that red-light camera up there.
It wasn’t until my journey through my recovery that I understood what true gratitude meant for me. In the twelve-steps I found out what I’d been missing. Maybe my addict brain was too busy thinking fifteen thousand feet ahead and couldn’t slow itself down. Maybe I needed to really cleanse myself like I did in my fourth step. (insert shudder.) It could've been the counseling I was getting. Or it could’ve been my journey through all of it, even coming through the other side of the betrayal trauma stronger than I was before that allowed me to finally find my inner peace and that peace gifted me gratitude in even the tiniest of things.
Five years ago, I never would’ve expected to be sitting in my office and to look out my window and get lost in the view because of how much I appreciated it. It’s the same view I’ve had for over a decade, yet now I see so much more than mailboxes, cars, and a street. There’s a vibrant blue sky with fluffy clouds that skirt by, and trees with the promise of green leaves, daffodils that bloomed too early, and I think, “How blessed am I to be sitting here right now?” The answer, “Pretty F’ing Blessed.”
I shouldn’t be here. As I’ve been writing these posts for the A to Z Challenge and think back, I know I’ve been in so many dangerous situations and God allowed me to walk, crawl, and run away.
For that, I am forever grateful. For the tiniest of things, like the sunlight hitting my face through my window right now (and my favorite fuzzy socks that I’m wearing), to the big things, like God, my recovery and my family and so much more.
Laugh of the day:
What are you grateful for today?
I look forward to seeing everyone during the Challenge! Click here to get to the master list sign up sheet. I'll see you all this afternoon.