Um, yeah, so what if it’s the last day of May? I’m still working on my alphabet posts. Told you guys it might take me until the end of the summer before they’re all done. Heck, it may take me until the New Year at the rate I’m going, and that’s fine by me. I’m a happy turtle.
One of the slogans or mayhap, concepts, I’ve picked up in my anon groups is “People, Places, and Things.” If I wanted things to change, then I needed these areas in my life to change or I’d end up repeating the same mistakes with the same people in the same places doing the same things over and over again.
If I didn’t want to stay a cocaine addict, well then, it only made sense that I stop hanging around the people who got high, right? It was also logical that I avoid going to places where I could find the drugs to get high. Made sense and it was something I was able to do rather quickly. Wish I had been that smart in other areas of my life, but I digress.
I imagine that for other people though, this isn’t the case. For instance, alcoholics have a tough road. It’s everywhere. They even sell it at Chuck E. Cheese, a place for kids! So, they are bombarded almost everywhere they go: restaurants, movies, and ads on television promote drinking. It’s socially acceptable.
Advertising has become so sexualized. You can’t move across the country to avoid the Internet, Victoria Secret, or a Hardee’s commercials, can you? No. It felt like my husband’s disease was much more emotional and mental than mine was. It was something he had to learn how to properly detach from. He had to learn how to stop objectifying people – all people…and here’s a kicker…so did I.
Because after living with a sex addict, my own views became twisted and turned. I lost my own way and had begun to objectify people too. I wondered what my husband would see in them and questioned my own beautiful body, thinking at the time that it wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t enough.
We each had a unique journey with people, places, and things when it came to his addiction. He learned not to objectify people, to avoid places that may trigger him (websites, etc.), and avoid things that would cause him to slip.
I learned to stop objectifying other people but also to stop objectifying myself. I had to accept me for who I was and remind myself that I am a rock star. I embrace my wrinkles and grey hairs (even though I still highlight the crap out of them!) and love me for me. I also had to avoid some places for a while so I could heal from the betrayal trauma. I eventually stopped doing things I knew were counterproductive to my healing like being hypervigilant and focusing so much of my time and energy on him and bring it back to me.
Eventually, that led me to being physically active. Whether it was walking the dogs, doing yoga (God I miss you yoga!), walking on the beach or my treadmill (I miss you too treadmill!), I got up off the couch and man, that felt good!
Those are the places I like to be now. What about you? What are your favorite places to be?
Not too long ago I shared about my Dobie puppy who is a whiny brat full of so much energy that I love to snuggle so much! Anyway, he is having a second surgery today. We found out from the last surgery that he has cancer. This young guy has my heart so full, any love and prayers for him would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
ETA: Just got the news! Our Dobie is out of surgery and doing great. We'll know in ten days if they were able to get all of the cancer...but this is awesome. He'll be home tomorrow!! Unless mommy sneaks up there to get him tonight! I can be quite persuasive!