Here's an excerpt from my upcoming book. Release date...who knows? Not me. Although, I think it may be done sooner than I thought. I'm adding in lots of cool stuff to it every week and will be doing final edits in about two months. Yeah, baby!
Before we dive in, I’d like to share something I touched on briefly in my first book. I’ve since dubbed it The Concept of Us. Plus, who doesn’t like some dubstep? Obviously, we want all of our relationships to be happy and healthy. We want our family members to respect our boundaries and us. We want our co-workers to appreciate us and not walk all over us like we’re some kind of doormat. We want people we encounter to treat us with the dignity and the respect we deserve.
I understood this before I married Devin but I struggled to maintain healthy boundaries the longer the disease was present in our marriage. If there was a wall to throw up, I threw it. It was easier to block stuff then to deal with it. Eventually, I became emotionally exhausted and began traveling into a world I didn’t understand. I didn’t recognize the person I’d become.
The Concept of Us meant that it was time to find my independence again. We both needed to remember how to stand on our own two feet emotionally. I didn’t need Devin’s approval to make me feel whole. Nor did he need my validation for him to feel emotionally satisfied. That can only from within us. When we were each on a path towards healing, we could be two healthy individuals that stood side by side moving together towards the same goal: a healthy marriage. Even when we weren’t traveling at the same speed, the objective was still the same.
We found what worked for us was having three recoveries in our marriage: mine, his, and then ours. This allowed us to focus on ourselves and it gave me the time I needed to heal from the trauma before trying to repair the relationship immediately. This way, I could take things a bit slower if I needed to that day, week, or month without feeling a ton of pressure. Lord knows I needed quite a while to process those emotions so any gift of time I could get, I grabbed.
This concept may not be a good fit for you and what you’re going through at the moment and that’s okay. This is your journey and you know what will work best for you and your relationship. My hope is that you will find your version of a Marriage a 2.0 and if you find you need to walk away, my hope is that you will find inner peace. We all deserve that.
I can't wait to get back to the beach this week. I didn't get there last week and I was totally bummed.
Anyone else ahead of schedule on something? Thoughts on dubstep? Tired of the heat yet?