S is for Setbacks aka Slips

♫ Slip sliding away…slip sliding away. ♫ Do you have that song by Paul Simon in your head too? Sorry about that. As an addict, I use the words setback and slip interchangeably although I understand and respect not everyone is fond of the word slip. To me, a slip is like when you slip on the ice. You don’t quite fall down on the ground. You try to catch yourself before you do. At least you hope you do. If not, then you have a huge knot on your head to remind you why you’re supposed to be more cautious while treading in dangerous territory.

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L is for Lying

L is for Lying

One of my favorite genres of movies and television is comedy. While many people aren’t fans of Jim Carrey, I am. Well, I’m a fan of some of his movies. Not all of them. One of his movies I enjoyed was Liar, Liar. Maybe it was because of some of the lies I was told growing up. Maybe it was because I’d become such a liar myself during my addiction.

Or on reflection, maybe it’s because it’s what caused me the most damage while Devin was in the grips of his addiction. Even while he was navigating his way through recovery, lying was one of the hardest habits for him to break. Maybe it was one of mine too. I would have loved for him to be just like Jim Carrey and not be able to tell a lie, but that wasn’t possible. Or realistic. But it sure would’ve been cool.

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J is for Justification

J is for Justification

“Do you have a minute?” The acid in my stomach churned and rolled after I asked Devin the question. I wished I could take it back. Maybe I’ll ask him about something else instead. No! A voice cried out in my head. Not again. Every time you try to ask him, you back down. Not this time!

His eyes didn’t leave the screen. His tone was flat. Dead. “What?”

I couldn’t help but try to see what other tabs were open on the screen. He’d been getting careless lately. I grabbed the second office chair hoping it would prompt him to look at me. It didn’t. “I, um, wanted to talk to you about the uh,” I left it unsaid. Maybe he’d fill in the blank?

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D is for Denial & Disclosure

Day four of the Challenge and we’re still rockin’ and rollin’! Let’s do this, party people! Today’s topic is bittersweet for me. I decided to make “D” both Denial and Disclosure because when you go through disclosure, there ain’t no more denying there’s a problem. Had it not been for disclosure, I wouldn't be where I am today, so as painful as it was, I'm grateful it happened. That wasn't always the case though.

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C is for Codependency

I was going to write about cocaine today since that was my drug of choice, but as I was going over the alphabet with my hubby he asked, “Are you writing about codependency?”

“No, you think I should?”

“I think it’d be helpful. We both had to work through it, me especially. I think it’d be a great topic.”

Good idea. He’s got lots of those. Just don’t tell him I said that. Just kidding, I tell him that all the time. So, here we are. Talking about the word that used to make my skin crawl when I heard it, read it, and especially when I realized I related to it for a part of my marriage. See, I even had to qualify that it was a "part" of my marriage.

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