Helping Myself and Others

Since my kids have been away, I’ve had time to work on my self-help book.  As I weeded my way through it, I discovered I have a long way to go before it’s finished.  At first I was disappointed with how much I have to edit, but then I realized I want it done right not fast. 

My mentor was correct all those long months ago when he recommended I take some of the narrative crap stuff out of it.  When I first started, I had the writing bug. I wanted to tell a story and help people recover from the effects of sex addiction.  Now that my first draft of my fictional novel is done, that itch to tell a tale has been scratched (at least for a little while.)

My non-fictional book had way too much personal stuff in it.  It resembled my blog more than a self-help book.  Sure, it’s great to be able to share my stories with others by giving them my personal experiences, but, geez, I was on sharing overload.

I remembered just what kind of book I wanted and needed after disclosure four years ago.  The last thing I wanted were sordid details of somebody else's marriage. I was trying to recover from sex addiction disclosure, not relive it. I was searching for someone who had not only been there, done that but also shared my hope that a marriage could survive after uncovering the addiction and betrayals.

I admit, it’s been hard to revisit some of the hurt to overhaul this book and make it better.  But it's helped me too.  So much of the junk that used to trigger me doesn't phase me one bit these days. I reminded myself that the things that happened in the past were just that - the past.  We are both better people in a stronger marriage now.

The anniversary of my first disclosure is fast approaching.  I thought by now it’d be just a blip on the radar of my life.  But it’s not.  It’s still there.  Although it lurks in the back of mind rather than in the present.   I suppose on that day I won’t wake up with the affairs being the first thing on my mind the way they used to be.  For that, I’m thankful.  I’m also experienced enough to know that it’ll wander through my brain at some point during that day and that’s okay.  I’ll allow myself to grieve for a moment or two but will make sure I remember how far we’ve come.

Then I’ll do what makes me happy.  I’ll write, blog, chat with others, and not allow myself to wallow in the past but learn from it instead.

Are there things in your past you wished you forget?  Have you learned from any bad experiences?

Treat Yo Self!

I am a fairly new subscriber to Netflix and I’ve fallen in love with it.  I don’t know why I was so resistant to signing up for so long.  I’m saving a ton of money by getting rid of premium channels once Directv ends my promotions next month. 

My son recommended I watch Parks and Recreation and I’m so glad he did.  It started out a bit slow but once it picked up, it had me rolling.  Two of the characters reminded me of something very important.  They reminded me to Treat Yo Self!
 This is something I am quick to tell other people yet I neglect to follow my own advice. I feel it’s important for everyone to take some time throughout the week and be kind to themselves.  Sometimes I think it’s okay to be a little selfish.  This way when things get a bit stressful, you’ll be in a good place mentally.

I had been so busy with other things I’d forgotten about me.  I love to visit the beach and I’ve only been once in the past three weeks.  I enjoy reading quietly in my comfy, leather chair but that’s also been abandoned. Another favorite luxury is a warm bubble bath and I can’t remember the last time I’ve soaked in the tub.

For someone like me, a person working on her recovery, I need to remember how important self-care truly is to my mental state. I never know what may be headed my way.  I just know I need to remember:

Treat Yo Self!