Saying You're Sorry

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Apologizing to someone can be one of the hardest tasks we accomplish. Especially when that someone is close to us. And when we’re navigating through the recovery of an addiction, the people we hurt along the way are usually those we love the most.

As Devin faces Step Nine,

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

he’s had to put a lot of thought into exactly whom he apologizes to and what that apology entails. He’s made a living amends (a genuine change in behavior) with the kids and me, along with telling us how sorry he was for what he’d done to each of us.

Now he’s faced with a new conundrum: the opportunity to apologize directly to his friend, Joe, who lives out of state. Devin had an affair with Joe’s wife and I was the one that let Joe know when I was spiraling out of control after disclosure.

It’s been nearly five years since I told Joe and he took the news of the affair and Devin’s addiction much better than I expected. He even said to me back than that he forgave Devin. And that he empathized with him.

Devin wants to let Joe know just how sorry he is that he hurt him so deeply. How sad he is that he betrayed their friendship and his trust. But he doesn’t want to reopen that wound and cause them harm after Joe and his wife may have healed from the damage in their marriage.

As much as I want to force my opinion down Devin’s throat, I won’t. I’ve said my piece and am giving him the space he needs to think about it. Thankfully, he’s got a few months before he makes the trip.


Have you ever had to make a tough apology?