F is for Forgiveness: A-Z Challenge

F is for Forgiveness

Bing!


I thought I forgave Devin for what his addiction caused him to do to our marriage.  But, I was just kidding myself.  Anger always simmered beneath the surface.  Instead of taking a look at my resentments, I shoved them down, and tried to heal from the betrayal and hurt of his affairs.

Ignoring my emotions was a terrible idea.

I complained to him over the tiniest things.  If he left his socks on the floor, I griped.  When he left his plate on the counter, I made a production out of it.  Sometimes those sniping remarks resulted in a fight and I threw his addiction in his face.



I realized through my S-Anon recovery that I needed to find a place of serenity or I’d go bananas.  I worked the steps slowly.  I picked up every piece of my emotional puzzle and examined it.  When I completed examining my emotions, flaws, and assets, I realized something. 

I wasn’t angry any more. 

Bing!
I forgave myself for things I’d done while I was co-dependent.   I shed the embarrassment I felt for marrying a sex addict. I understood I did what I felt needed to be done to survive in my marriage.  And, it was okay.

Once I had forgiven myself, I forgave Devin. I wasn’t bitter towards the women he cheated on me with either.  Instead, I felt compassion for them, for they are sick too.

I was released from the burden I’d been carrying.  And, man, it was a heavy weight.


Have you ever had a difficult time forgiving someone?

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This post is part of the A-Z Challenge.  Wanna see more?