Appreciation Days - An IWSG Post

Appreciation Days


     At work we have Appreciation Days. It’s my company’s way of saying thank you to the many people who make a difference in our communities. We offer free (first-time) tax preparation for teachers, firefighters, hospital workers, military members, and many other well deserving, hard-working people. 

     It made me reflect upon how much I appreciate all of you. Each month, people share their experiences, their doubts, their strength, and their successes with each other. This blogging community comes together to lift each other up and offers words of wisdom to those who are struggling. It reminds people they aren’t alone on those days we feel like things just won’t fall into place for us.

     But, what really makes me appreciate everyone in this blogging community of ours is that the support doesn’t stop at writing. We help people who are dealing with health issues, family struggles, and the loss of a loved one. Everyone rallies together to offer their help in so many ways.

     How awesome is that? (Cue the Lego Movie song Everything is Awesome!)



      It also made me realize, yet again, just how lucky I am to have a kick ass mentor in Bryan. He’s been working with me for close to two years! Teaching me to write, edit, and fine-tune my work. And, he has the patience of a saint.

     We really are blessed to have each other and be in this great community we call home. Let’s give ourselves a round of applause and a big cyber hug!

     We Rock!



     This is an Insecure Writer Support Group post, come hang out with us!  It’s a time to talk about our fears and doubts, or inspire others by sharing our success and happiness.  We’ve got a great bunch of people in this group and we’d love to have you join in on the fun too.  A big thank you to it's creator, Alex J. Cavanaugh.

     Don’t forget to stop by and say hello to our fantastic co-hosts: Chemist Ken,Suzanne Sapseed, and Shannon Lawrence!

Face It, Replace It, Connect

From where else? Bing!

A few years ago life threw me a curve ball.

I learned my marriage wasn’t a Disney fairytale, after all.

I found out my prince charming had some rather large kinks in his armor.

I discovered the truth about my marriage.

I learned my husband is a sex addict.

Not exactly the way to spend our wedding anniversary, but that’s exactly what happened. As we celebrate our anniversary this week, I can look back at the few years and honestly say, I’m glad it happened.

Yep, you read that correctly.

I’m at a point in my recovery where I can say, I’m grateful I found out about the sexting, the emails to other women, and the physical affairs he had in the middle of our marriage.

If I hadn’t found out about

all

of it, I never would have had the desire to change things in our marriage.

I wouldn’t have taken a closer look at myself, and thought, “Elsie, you need to make some major changes in yourself.

He’s not the only one who needs some work.”

I needed to experience that pain to get to the joy I feel now.

At the time Devin reached his sex addiction rock bottom, I hit my emotional rock bottom.

If that hadn’t happened, I think we’d be divorced or very unhappily married right now.

His addiction gave us each an opportunity to improve our relationship and ourselves.

That is why I can look back with gratitude rather than resentment.

Even now, I use the tools I learned early on in my recovery. I still journal things out when necessary (aren’t you glad I don’t do them here anymore and removed them to avoid pain mining?), I do daily readings, I yoga, I practice deep breathing and I use FRC.

What is FRC?

It stands for Face It, Replace It, Connect.

It’s a valuable tool to help calm my nerves when I feel anxious.

I was taught FRC during an online class I took called

Candeo

. (I confess I resisted using what I learned in the beginning because of the trauma (and bull-headedness) but eventually realized just how helpful it would be not just for him but for me too.)

Devin used Candeo for a year and it really helped him with his recovery.

I highly recommend it. Worth every penny we paid.

The idea behind FRC is to

face

the negative emotions (i.e. the trigger or acting out temptation) you are feeling.

Acknowledge it’s there rather than ignore it.

Replace

the negativity with what you really want for your life.

Than,

connect

with someone or something in a positive way. If you can, talk to someone in person.

If not, you can do an act of kindness.

 If you can't do an act of kindness, try yoga or deep breathing. Just do something positive.

It’s goes something like this:

I have anxiety about Devin running late.

Rather than allow the negative emotions to overtake me, I identify they occurred.

To stop the downward spiral of hypervigilance, I

face

the feelings of anxiety.

Next, I

replace

the trigger with something positive.

Perhaps a memory of a special date night or long talk we’ve shared.

I can even imagine us on the beach together, walking hand in hand.

The idea is to no longer be focused on what caused the trigger.

Finally, I connect with someone in a healthy way.

I can call a friend, hop on my blog or even play with my dogs.

Then, I do something kind for somebody.

I don’t just use FRC for my triggers.

I also use it to stay calm when someone or something is frustrating me.

It’s a valuable tool that I’m grateful I learned.

 ~~~@   ~~~@

Free mini course for Candeo